Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Feminism ~ The Act of Feeling

We have become a nation of desensitized citizens, immune to the shock that should accompany visual stimuli.  Tonight while speaking at group therapy at a domestic violence shelter, a woman came in with eye eyebrow in stitches, a busted lip, bruises in the shape of fingers around her neck. 

No one else seemed to notice the results of her abuse. Not out of consideration but more lack of seeing it as disturbing. Yet when the woman hugged me after our meeting, a few of the other women looked on with questioning glances. 

When you work in an industry where reports of violence are the norm, you quickly become numb to that which might have previously repulsed or saddened you. And acts of affection or connection are seen as foreign. Our society has become like this. 

We see images of dead bodies, displays of the most grotesque of scenes, women lacking moral compasses or decorum, children behaving as heathens and we humor at it, find entertainment in the scenes. 

This trickles down even to our own personal relationships.  We start to excuse away our own actions as we see our own bad behavior as "less than" cruel or mean spirited based off of what we see glamorized elsewhere. And if you expect a certain level of decorum and kindness from those we encounter, you're perceived as being demanding or weak.  

I'm uncertain how to adjust to the demands of a world which expects you to just "deal with it" or a society that expects women to be pillars of strength on a constant basis.  For me, feminism isn't so much a desire for women to be treated as men, nor for them to be perceived as rough and masculine.  

Rather, it is the desire to have the freedom to be soft and yielding while still being afforded equality.  And to be regarded with respect not singly from our male counterparts in society, but as well from other females who have taken on the traits and rude actions and speech of the very men who have oppressed us all for generations.  

Until such time as we as women start expecting more from each other and stop quietly regarding other females as constant competition, we will continue to falter.  We can not see a battered woman and think to ourselves "she must like getting abuse."  We can not see women being assaulted, sexualized and demonized in the media and find it entertaining.  

Being desensitized isn't just a matter of visual imagery, but rather is an issue of all our senses.  We are sexually exploratory to the point that we must cross every boundary just to be stimulated.  We are so accustomed to violence that we excuse it away.  We are raising children that have little discipline and replace love with merchandising and material gifting.  

Women, the vessels of nurturing, love and comfort have become the things we have for so long fought against.  We are competitive, hostile, cruel, apathetic.  But this is by choice, not negative evolution and we can and should do better,

Until we recognize in ourselves the nature of our own actions, speech, thoughts and hearts, we can only expect for things to get worse.  As Michael Jackson sang "I'm starting with the man in the mirror.  I'm asking him to change his ways."  We must look in the mirror, see our true selves and realize that we have to start thinking and most importantly... feeling again.  

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Pro- (Adult) Life

This afternoon I spent a few moments looking through photos of deceased females who died as a result of botched abortions. To be clear, I am not morbid and I am sickened by the images. My heart sinks deep in pits of discomfort when I see nude women, congealed blood about them, after dying from failed attempts to only rid themselves of unwanted pregnancies. But I wanted to remind myself why being pro-choice doesn't make you pro-abortion in every instance and why this stance is so very important.

For me, it's not about being anti-baby and again, pro-choice does NOT mean you agree with every instance, rather it makes you pro-options, anti-death in motel rooms, alleys and unsanitary motel rooms...it makes you pro-woman, anti-hangers, anti-stairwells, anti-suicide, anti- "zygotes are superior to post-birth lives" and this stance won't earn me friends. This stance won't popularize me in the church I call home. But I can't permit zealots who are pro-war but anti-choice to have the only voice, even if mine is soft and heard by few. 

Someone has to remember the dead women who lost their lives along the way, who were deserted in rooms to bleed out with no compassion, who have just as much right to life as any zygote might. I will not forget them, even if the inhumane back alley "doctors" who left them for dead have had to take no responsibility for the murders they committed.  

No, the images I saw aren't easy to look at.  Ill to my stomach, heart grieving and tears in my eyes, I admit this task did not at ALL agree with my senses.  The gruesome site of the dead mother of two children who was separated from a violent husband and left to die by a male companion is not easy to stomach.  But I will revisit these images to remind myself of what we are fighting for. All lives are important, not simply that of pre-birth babies.  

Friday, August 3, 2012

Rising Up

An oppressed people do not always act out rationally, nor make choices based on public approval.  They will buck the norm in ways others see as outrageous. They will leave family, friends and even lovers at times in dismay at the allegiances they have, the words they choose, the actions they take.  

No, they will not consult with the populous to make certain to follow the rules of societal propriety.  They will risk popularity, relationships, freedom, safety and ultimately their lives in order to stand in the face of adversity.  In doing so, some with inadvertently harm themselves and perhaps one day look back and cringe at their own mistakes. But they will still yet take pride in their fight.

You can not hold the head of someone underwater, near drown them and expect them to rise out of the murky depths in becoming fashion. They will thrash wildly, throwing fists, legs kicking, hair strewn about, frothing at the mouth.  It is not their appearance that should be judged in that moment of struggling to survive, but the strength they exert in order to stay alive.  

They will latch onto any branch visible, with hopes it might pull them up; be it organizations, picket lines, angst ridden acts of violence, boycotts, etc. But judge them not for how they react to the threat of being drowned, but the power in spirit they display as they finally rise up for air.


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